


Sorry

by Kimmimaru



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6486517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmimaru/pseuds/Kimmimaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry

The sand is warm beneath his bare feet, water lapping gently against his ankles. He gazes out over the sea, eyes hidden behind his shades. His board shorts are plain black, just like his uniform. His broad chest glistens with sweat, dark skin shining in the bright sunlight. The sky is blue and cloudless and seems impossibly far away, Rude wonders, as he watches a few gulls fly overhead, what it would be like to fly.

"Yo, Rude, I got ya a drink!"

Rude turns sharply at the sound of that voice and sees Reno walking down the steps towards him, holding two cocktail glasses full of brightly coloured, incredibly alcoholic drinks. He walks over the sand, wearing a pair of shades instead of his usual goggles, a pair of dark red swim trunks and a loud, floral shirt. Rude smiles and reaches for the drink before Reno even draws near, he has time to see those faded blue eyes meet his and then he remembers...

Rain pours from the sky, lightning cracks and thunder rumbles. Rude can hardly hear anything Tseng's saying to him over the storm but he could read his lips well enough; Get out! We need to retreat! Now! A simple enough command and Rude takes it to heart as he turns, vaguely hearing another round of gun fire, head ducking low as bullets race over him. He's soaked to the skin, Tseng's hair sticks to his face in black snarls, Elena's already running, gun blazing as she rolls and ducks around the various cars scattered throughout Edge. Useless nowadays without mako to fuel them. He halts, suddenly realising they're missing a member, he turns, looking back into the rain, squinting to see if he can spot him. And there, a flash of red in amongst the grey. He sees Reno fly out of an alley, pelting towards them as fast as he can, arms up and waving them onward. Rude smiles, he hadn't realised his chest had been so tight until it eases somewhat. He ignores Reno's frantic gesturing and waits for him catch up, lifting his gun and aiming it at his pursuers. Hitting a moving target is near-impossible, he's only ever seen Tseng do it before and on top of that the visibility's terrible. He fires anyway, seeing something explode, likely a fuel tank. It halts the renegades, the men who had come to hate ShinRa so much they were trying to wipe out the very last remaining members. Reno reaches his side, Rude's gun is spent so he returns it to his holster as Reno crashes into him, throwing him to the floor. Rude falls like a huge tree in a forest, hitting a puddle with an enormous splash, his eyes widen, glasses flying off of his face. He watches, helpless to prevent it when one of the men comes up behind Reno, arm raised. Reno has time to turn, he grabs the man's wrist and pushes him backwards, lightning flashes from the glistening tip of a dagger. The ground is slippery, Reno's footing slides out from beneath him and he falls with a sharp exclamation, crashing to the ground with his assailant on top of him. And then...there's silence. Rude can't move, he's frozen in time and space as he watches the dagger plunge down into Reno's open chest. Reno's body spasms, eyes widening as the man yanks the blade free again and plunges it back in. Again and again, Reno's hair has come free of his tail, it's splayed in the water beneath him, waving like strange red seaweed. Rude's up on his feet before he knows it, no thought to his personal safety. He's grabbing the man by the neck, twisting violently. The man stiffens, grunts and with a rather loud crack his body goes limp. Rude drops him, kicking him in the ribs and out of his way as he rushes to his partners side, dropping to his knees. "R-R-...

...Rude? Rude? Are you listening?" Rude blinks, jerking out of his stupor to find himself looking at Elena. She's dressed in a dark blue bikini but contrary to their rather joyful surroundings she looks as if she's been crying recently.

"...fine." Rude mutters, frowning back out to sea. "I'm...fine."

"Tseng's wondering if you'll be coming back to the hotel for dinner?" Rude doesn't turn around, he merely shakes his head.

"Oh...um...ok..." Elena turns away and pauses, she glances back nervously, still chewing on her bottom lip before taking a breath. "Rude? I-I...I'm sorry." Her voice cracks and Rude glances over his shoulder at her briefly before turning back to the view again.

"We came here together a long time ago, first time I met him." He says, voice low and even. "He'd never seen the sea before so we came here when we got leave. He spent hours just standing on this spot, staring at the ocean..."

Elena stifles a small sound before turning away. "I wish...I wish I had known him better...for...for longer."

"..." Rude says nothing as she leaves him.

_Rude can't feel the rain anymore, he stares down into his partners face. Reno's white, too white. His hand trembles as he reaches up, searching, searching blindly and Rude grips his hand in his own. He holds on as tight as he possibly can, willing Reno to stay, willing him to stop bleeding so damned much. They're silent, which is a change for Reno but Rude would kill to hear his voice again, to hear him laugh and make some stupid joke. They'd survived the world ending twice, they'd been on the home straight, free...but then someone had taken it into their heads to start a vendetta against everything ShinRa. The people were saying enough was enough, they didn't want a leader not elected by them, they didn't want Rufus back in a position of power. Not again. It had started with small attacks, groups of masked people ganging up on ShinRa employees, both past and present. Then those groups had slowly grown larger and larger until four Turks simply weren't enough to keep them at bay. Rude held Reno's hand to his chest, eyes glued to his face. He watched a trickle of blood seep from Reno's lips as they parted, a tiny smile lifts the corner of his mouth..._

"Rude, it's late. Come back to the hotel."

Rude knew Tseng would come eventually and he sighs, eyes closing as the sun sets beyond him. He turns slowly, looking at his boss blankly. "Is that an order, sir?"

Tseng swallows, still in his immaculate suit, hands clenched at his sides. "Yes. If it has to be."

Rude nods once and starts to make his way back up the beach, back to their hotel. Tseng follows at a respectful distance. He halts abruptly, seeing a flash of red run out of the hotel towards him...

_"Hey! Rude, partner! I got a tan! Look!"_

He swallows back his pain as he closes his eyes and simply breathes. His shoulders tense as Tseng steps up to his side, eyes on the steps to the hotel. "Rude..."

"I'm fine." Rude replies automatically, starting to walk again. They enter the inn and find Elena waiting for them, somewhere, tucked away in a dark corner is Rufus. Rude has noticed the change in him, since the slow destruction of everything he had once had. His only friends now his only protectors. They had brought him to Costa Del Sol in the hopes of getting him away from those who would want to kill him but now Rude wonders if it was such a good idea. Rufus has been slowly falling apart since he had first laid eyes on Reno's...on Reno. He withdrew, eyes faintly haunted. Rude understood, Reno and Rufus had been close, likely closer than any of them knew. Likely as close as Reno and Rude had been.

_"R-R-Reno..." Rude says it again. Muttering his name, hoping that he's imagining the dimming of his eyes, the way the blood has stained the rain crimson all around him. "Rude..." Reno replies thickly, blood welling up from his mouth. He winces as he coughs violently, eyes drifting closed. Rude shakes him, it's cruel and he sees Reno wince as he's forced back around again. "Rude...lemme...lemme go man..."_

_"_ _Not letting go partner." Rude insists, nails digging deep crescents into Reno's skin. The rain falls down his back, sliding beneath his shirt collar and chilling him to the bone. "We're in this together. You said so." "_

_Can'...can' keep me here forever, yo. Ya gotta...ya gotta m-move on..." Reno sighs, eyes falling shut again. "Lemme sleep...Rude..."_

_"_ _Reno...?" Rude's voice breaks like shattered glass, he watches Reno's head fall to the side, he watches his chest rise, fall and then...stop._

Rude goes straight to Rufus, pulling out a chair and seating himself, uninvited. He sits there, eyes on the table as Rufus picks up his glass, full of whisky and takes a delicate sip. Rude sees his hands shake almost imperceptibly. "Have you heard any news from Edge?" He asks abruptly, apparently all business but Rude can see the strain in him.

"They've been killing indiscriminately, Tseng's spies have reported that they've taken out Healen."

"I see." Rufus turns his glass slowly around in a circle, ice clinking against the sides. "This was Reno's favourite drink...personally I despise it but..." His voice trailed off, his body shivering a little. Rude can hear what he didn't say; he always tasted of it. Rude knows because he thinks the same thing."If I hadn't survived the attack from Weapon maybe..."

Rude halts him with a simple look. "Reno wanted you alive, sir." He says and stands up, turning away. "It's why I'm still here. He-" Rude's hands spasm, he clenches them tightly. "He died for you, don't waste his sacrifice." With that he walks away again.

Rufus watches Rude's large back as it retreats, he takes another sip of the cheap whisky in his hand and closes his eyes.

_The rain has stopped, Rufus stands in the wet, trousers soaking up water from a puddle but he only has eyes for the figures moving slowly towards him. Tseng is limping, Elena leaning heavily on him as she wraps an arm around her own waist. Beside them comes the tall, unmistakable figure of Rude, he appears to be carrying something but Rufus dismisses it for a moment as his eyes try to find that familiar glimmer of red. He can't see it and so his eyes are, inevitably, drawn back to Rude and his burden. There's the red. It hangs down over Rude's arm, swaying with the steady movement of Rude's footsteps. As they draw closer, Rufus can feel the unfamiliar sensation of something stirring in his chest, it feels as if someone's got hold of his heart and has encased it in ice. It hurts."W-What...?" For the first time since he was a child he's stuttering, somewhere in the back of his head he hears his father's derisive laughter; 'Always knew you were a coward, Rufus'. He pushes that away, ignoring the sharp stab of fury that memory brings and concentrates on his Turks as they finally reach him where he's stood beside his car. "What happened?" He asks, intending his words to be clear and sharp but even he can hear them shake. Tseng lifts his head, wet hair dripping down his pale face as he and Elena part, allowing Rude to step between them with his burden. Rufus' eyes land on the body, the red hair dark with water, the sharp, familiar face too pale and with a smear of blood over one cheek. Reno's arms dangle uselessly, his legs and head supported by Rude as he kneels and gently, almost lovingly lays him on the ground at Rufus' feet. Reno's shirt is almost entirely crimson, Rufus can see the jagged slashes in it, he can see beyond that to the matching wounds in his chest but his mind rebels against it. It's not true. It's not gods damned true!_

Rufus' hand jerks, spilling some whisky over his wrist. He stares at the liquid as it spreads across the table, just like Reno's blood had over the rain soaked ground. He swallows, lowering his head and hiding his face behind unkempt hair, so unlike him to let himself go but he just can't find it in himself to make any effort. Not anymore. From somewhere to his left a handkerchief appears, he lifts his eyes and blinks sluggishly up at Tseng. "Sir, dinner's ready." He says softly, his eyes unreadable as always. Rufus has never been able to read Tseng, but they always had a firm working relationship. He tries for a smile but can't hold onto it for longer than a second as he reaches up and takes the proffered piece of cloth, he uses it to wipe at the spillage and takes a second to look at the initials sewn into one corner. R.O.T. The cloth is black, unusual for a handkerchief and the stitched lettering crimson. "Reno of the Turks." Tseng mutters, head lowering as if to hide his emotions. "I found it while I was clearing out his things..." His voice cracks and he frowns as he clears his throat.

"A gift...a gift from me." Rufus whispers hoarsely.

"Ah...I apologise sir, I didn't know."

"No. Not to worry...he rarely used them anyway." Rufus swallows and looks down at the soaking cloth in his hands, running it through his fingers. "I found them in his top draw. Sir, our home was destroyed with Meteor, we didn't have time to go back to our apartments and retrieve anything...Reno had that one on him when the building collapsed." Tseng says gently, eyes lingering on his president before he tore them away. "How strange, he told me he didn't understand why someone would use something like this." "He was a...an unusual man, sir."

"Indeed." Rufus manages another rueful, weak little smile before downing the rest of his drink. He closes his fist on the cloth and stands up, swaying a little. "I think I shall retire to my room."

"What about food...?" Rufus shakes his head, looking down at the piece of black silk in his hand. "I'm not hungry." He says before turning away.

_NO! His mind screamed at him. It couldn't be true. It was impossible. He tried to deny it but every time his eyes were drawn back to the blood, the torn shirt, the limp hair and pale skin. He couldn't move, he could feel the eyes of all his remaining Turks on him but was frozen solid, speechless, immovable. Rude remains kneeling by his partners side, one hand rising slowly, shaking so violently Rufus is surprised the whole earth isn't shaking with him. Rude cups Reno's cheek, the gesture tender, a moment of gentleness Rufus has never witnessed from Rude before. Rufus wonders if Reno's skin is cold, how long did it take for a body to cool? Was he clammy? Was his skin as soft as it had been in life, when Rufus would run his tongue over one of those sharp collar bones? He swallows as Rude bends his head, a few stray droplets of water rolling over his bald head and splashing onto Reno's unnaturally still face like tears. Elena stifles a sob, the sound harsh in the silence, Tseng reaches for her, putting an arm around her waist and she folds into him like a paper doll. Her face is hidden from them as she presses it into Tseng's damp suit. Tseng lifts his dark eyes, ringed with shadows and meets Rufus', he shakes his head a little, mouth drawn tight. Rufus sometimes forgets just how close the Turks are, Reno had worked for them for years, how many not even Rufus is certain. It's hard to get his head around, really. He looks at Reno's body and it just doesn't seem real, like some sort of horrible nightmare that he'll wake up from at any given moment and find faded-denim eyes gazing down at him in concern, red hair splashing over one bare shoulder like a river of blood and faintly freckled skin shining in early dawn light._

Rufus closes his eyes, holding onto that memory as tightly as he possibly can.

Tseng leaves Rufus' side for a moment, stepping back to find a place of solitude. He moves through the Inn, his suit feeling a little too claustrophobic, he tugs on his tie, yanking it down and unbuttoning several buttons on his shirt before he realises what he's doing. His chest is too tight, his eyes prickling dangerously. He swallows hard, eyes closing as he leans against a nearby panelled wall and bows his head, hiding behind his hair.

_Tseng watches as the pyre is lit by Rude, traditionally a Turk is never buried. There are secrets even a body can leave behind nowadays and so they are cremated. Usually it's not in such an open place but Rude insisted Reno would want to see the sky, Tseng can understand that. Reno had grown up beneath the plate, the sky had been a mystery to him until the day he had been hired by Veld. Tseng had been there when the boy, only fifteen years old, had stepped out from the train and looked up. The wonder on his face had been almost comical but what had not, had been the terror that flashed over him too soon afterwards. Reno had cringed back, shaking his head in denial as the blue sky arched over him. "There's...there's no fuckin' end to it!" He had gasped, eyes wild as he turned them on Tseng and Veld. "D-Does it e-end?" Veld had told him it didn't and Reno had almost fainted. For a scrawny, half-starved kid Reno had been tough. He had survived in the Turks for far longer than Tseng or any of his other superiors had anticipated, he had been violent, wild and loved his job with the desperation of a man rescued from a life that would have destroyed him. The flames rise, crackling as they consume the fuel soaked wood. Tseng clenches his hands into fists by his side and watches the dark smoke swirl upwards, up and up and up into the clear blue sky. Rude moves to his side, his silence poignant as they both watch one of their last remaining oldest friends fade away._

Months later, after the trouble in Edge had faded away, Elena went to tell Rude that they were to return. She knocked on his door but there was no answer, with a frown she pushes it open and steps inside. The room is empty. She blinks in confusion and sees a dark suit neatly folded and laid on the bed, as she draws closer she sees a yellow post-it note lying on top of the suit. She picks it up in one shaking hand and stifles a sob. She turns and runs down the hall, banging on Tseng's door when she reaches it. He opens it, gun held loosely in one hand and when he sees Elena he lowers it. "Elena...what-" She throws herself at him, her arms wrapping around his waist and it takes him several minutes to prise her off. Finally she holds out the note, still sobbing. Tseng reads it and feels empty inside, slowly he retreats to the bed and sinks down onto it, head hung low so his hair hides his expression. The note has one word on it, a simple testament to a man who hadn't had much use for a lot of words; Sorry.

XXX

Rude stands still, he's donned a plain black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. The civilian clothes feel strange on him, too normal. He lifts his hands, looking down at them as if seeing them for the first time, suddenly realising how many men they had killed. He takes a sharp breath through his teeth, lifting his eyes to the empty graveyard. There it is. The flash of red in amongst the dusty stone monuments. Rude moves towards it, as if drawn like a moth to a flame. "Knew you'd come, eventually."

The voice makes Rude turn but he can't see where it came from. He takes another breath, looking down at his feet where a simple marker stands, a name carved into the wooden plank. Too simple, too easy for Reno. It doesn't do him justice, it's not who he was. The scent of cigarette smoke drifts on the wind, the exact brand Reno used to smoke on occasion. He smells his cologne, even tastes the bitter-sweet coffee on his tongue from the inside of Reno's mouth. "What did you expect me to do, partner?"

There's laughter, soft and almost inaudible over the stiff breeze that stirs Rude's plain shirt. "Civi's suit you. You're lookin' good."

"Reno..."

"I know."

"I..." A hand touches Rude's shoulder, familiar fingers digging into the muscle.

"Listen to me, man; I _know_."

"Just don't...don't know what to do."

"Whatever you want, man. You're free."

"Are you?" Only the wind answers and Rude sighs heavily, lifting an arm and wipes his eyes beneath his customary shades. Then he spots him from the corner of his eye, Reno. Lounging against a stone pillar, one knee cocked, cigarette in his left hand and blowing smoke into the sky. Bright hair falls over his shoulder and there's a smile on his lips.

"Let go, Rude."

"Don't ask me to do that." The figure fades away again, Rude turns, trying to see him again, desperate for any contact even if its inside his own messed up head.

Then there's lips brushing his, the taste of coffee filling his mouth and a soft sigh. "Tell Tseng I got a message for him, yo; Aerith says she forgives him..."

"But I-"

"You'll go back again, I know you will. Hey, we were partners for a long time, man. I know you. You just gotta let me go now, I have ta move on. Live your life, Rude. Don't be a fuckin' dick about this."

"I'm talking to a ghost." Reno's laughter is so real Rude can almost believe he's alive and standing right beside him, as he always did.

"Weird, huh? Now, go home, Rude. Go see Tseng, tell him what I said...an' Elena...tell her she's a good kid. A good Turk. And...and I'm sorry. In the end I guess I jus' wasn't fast enough...Good bye, partner."

Rude looks down at the grave and kneels, he yanks the wooden marker out of the ground and tosses it aside. "Not flashy enough, partner. You deserve better." He mutters to himself as he stands again, wiping dirty hands on his jeans. "I'll get you something better, you'll love it. I know."

XXX

"I...I have no words." Tseng mutters, gazing at the monument critically. Rude stands at his side, his t-shirt a little worn now, in the months that had passed by he had focussed entirely on working on his project. It kept his mind busy, preventing memories from destroying him. He had worked as often as he could, eating mechanically, despite his total lack of appetite. Whenever Elena appeared with food he would sit and eat, simply so she wouldn't badger him. He had been almost completely silent throughout the project but now he stood proudly before his creation and waited for the judgement from his friends.

"It's...big." Elena said lamely, looking at Rude and shifting uncomfortably. "Would he have liked it?"

"It's flashy." Came Rude's reply, his lips rising at the corner in a smile none of them had seen since Reno's death.

"It is that." Tseng agrees, his own smile breaking through. "He would love it."

The monument was large, made entirely of highly polished metal. Rude had engraved it with patterns that were almost tribal, Reno's name was emblazoned on the front in golden lettering and Rude had glued pieces of sparkling glass in a myriad of colours to it. It was the most hideous thing any of them had ever seen.

_It's fuckin' horrible man..._

Reno's voice was faint now and Rude couldn't see him but he felt him there, standing at his side and admiring the monument.

_You're right, yo. I love it._

Rude's smile was brighter than the sunlight glinting off of the grave marker.


End file.
